DIAGNOSIS: Schizotypal Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Janice Caaf has been working as an unemployed worker for going on 13 years. She lives in a one bedroom, two living room apartment with her dead-to-her husband. Stop by anytime. She’ll be home, guaranteed. She’d love to sit down with you and wait for your turn to talk. I hope you’re hungry, too, because she’ll feed you whatever’s in the fridge, around the house, or dying in the walls.
Janice’s self-image is waaaaaay off. She wears vastly inappropriate clothing for her linebacker physique. Mrs. Caaf is clueless, witless, and bra-less; prompting the frightened children of the neighborhood to call her ‘Boobs Radley.’ Each new visit to Janice’s apartment is like watching a surreal mash-up of Hoarders and Silence of the Lambs. You never know what type of lotion you’ll find in the basket. *
* By the way, it’s Neutrogena’s ‘Lilac Beef.’