Stop Smoking Now!
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Smoking and smoking related illness is the leading killer of Americans, Europeans, and whatever the other people are. In an effort to stop the global nicotine pandemic, several leading healthcare officials got together over a carton of cigarettes and developed this simple, easy to use program that will make you feel so good, you’ll wonder why you ever needed lungs in the first place. They are dedicated to the eradication of this disgusting and addictive habit that looks really, really cool and you should try.
EPISODES: 3:6
Sammy The Cat
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Whether he be chasing a mouse, nipping at some yarn, or just pawing at his owner, Sammy the cat is a great household pet and lover.
EPISODES: Superego Second Opinions Part 1
The Brownriver Township Survivor’s Club
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Brownriver Township Survivor’s Club was not as organized as you might think. In fact it was really an ad-hoc organization thrown together in the last days of 2018. You know, after the global cooling spiraled out of control.
EPISODES: Superego Second Opinions Part 1
The Sea Town Splashaholic Spectacular
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: See jet-ski adventure! Killer whale acrobatics! And over three hours of pre-show entertainment(?)!
EPISODES: 2:16
So You Wanna Go To Space?
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: So You Wanna Go To Space? is The Network Channel’s flagship science program, brought to you by those dicks over at the CSULB physics department. These guys are the real deal. Where deal=dicks.
EPISODES: 2:14
Beauregard Dufresne
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: As the world’s oldest living Civil War veteran, Beauregard Dufresne would like you to know he’s banged a lot of high class, antebellum trim.
EPISODES: 2:13
My Baby Dreamer
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: This season’s hottest toy! Recommended for ages 21 and older, or hill- children who are ‘good with a knife.’ My Baby Dreamer is the toy to end all toys — quite literally. This toy will murder all of your children’s favorite playthings with a soldering gun. My Baby Dreamer loves to exhibit her(?) eerie and macabre ways of making playtime fun. Accessories include lead pacifier, pepper spray bottle, and ‘Barky’ the asbestos beagle.
Nathan The Silverback Gorilla
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Extracted from the wild jungles of Borneo, Nathan the Silverback Gorilla was thrust into the blinding limelight of celebrity. He resents the world. You would too.
EPISODES: 2:11 / Supershort 9
Supreme Court Nominee Roger Contreras
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The odds are not looking good.
EPISODES: 2:8
FUN-FACT: Roger Contreras is Charla Corbin-Contreras’s half-father.
Kenny Gottlieb
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Kenny Gottlieb hasn’t got much time for you and will most likely dismiss your concerns, but he’ll sound friendly doing it.
EPISODES: 2:6 / 3:1
Kendra Kibbee
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Kendra Kibbee leads the evening Razzamasize classes at the Billings Montana 24 Hour Fitness. She has some problems getting dates.
EPISODES: 2:5
Coach Helzevec
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Coach Brian H. Helzevec got his start as an assistant high school football coach in the northernmost point of southwestern Ohio. Since then, he has gone on to coach at nearly every level the profession has to offer. Helzevec holds an American Sportsball Society record for the shortest coaching tenure in history, having been fired three minutes and forty seconds into his first game coaching the Seattle Kidpeople. His new-fangled ‘Symphony Of Destruction’ defense cost Seattle the fastest 48 points ever scored in a football game.
But Coach Helzevec is far more famous for his media relations than his coaching resume. Win or lose, Helzevec always has something to get off of his chest. Unflinchingly honest and personal, his post-game podium meltdowns are legendary, providing talk radio and sports highlight shows with endless fodder. Tune in and watch Coach Helzevec’s infamous press conferences, interview debacles, locker room pep-talks, and frenzied bathroom mirror rehearsal speeches.
EPISODES: 2:4 / 2:6 / 2:8 / 2:9 / 2:10 / 2:14 / 3:7
Dr. Diablocondios
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: On the FBI top ten most wanted list for 23 years, Dr. Diablocondios has been torturing his captives with kindness all over the world (all expenses paid).
EPISODES: 1:14
Wilford Brimley
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Wilford Brimley is a beloved American character actor whose résumé includes such cinema classics as The Thing, The Firm, and The Cocoon. Mr. Brimley also suffers from crippling type-12 ‘diabesity.’ At the expense of his acting career, he has made it his personal mission to help others ‘get the help they deserve.’ He is prone to violent diabetic rages during his commercial shoots and has just plain had it with the lack of enthusiasm for the free medical tester available to anyone without cost or obligation, Goddamnit. Brimley remains a pillar of the Hollywood community and a back-breaking burden to his poor horse, Buttercup.
Just flip through your local channels and witness the campaign of ‘Uncle Wilf’ commercials where he expresses his utter fucking disbelief that you won’t pick up the Goddamned phone and call the toll-fucking-free number at the bottom of the Goddamned, foreign-made television screen.
Tex Whittaker
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Cowboy showman Tex Whittaker has been simultaneously delighting and horrifying children for 50 plus years. Along with his horse, Cinnamon and his trusty sidekick, Navajo Joe, Tex continues to delicately walk the line on his weekly children’s show, Saddletramp.
EPISODES: 1:13
Miss Dawson
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Baby-toucher. Sweet, loving, baby-toucher.
EPISODES: 1:12
Shunt McGuppin
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Shunt McGuppin is an American firebrand. Country music hasn’t been the same since this gruff, uneducated sensation burst onto the Nashville scene. His hit, Alabaster Sweat, remained on the country charts for an unprecedented 7,010 weeks. In Shunt’s heyday, he was a multi-platinum, multi-instrumentalist, multi-wived marvel.
These days, Shunt is constantly trying to recapture his youth and past success. Despite near-crippling arthritis and multiple bankruptcies, he continues to pay for astronomically expensive studio time to record that elusive comeback-comeback album. He has seen it all and sung it more. Shunt McGuppin will belt his songs whether people like it or not — and they never will. He drinks to the point of never not drinking and lives with his dog Atherton in Toby Keith’s guesthouse.
EPISODES: 1:1 / 1:3 / 1:4 / 1:6 / 1:9 / 1:10 / 1:13 / 1:17 / 2:1 / 2:2 / 2:11 / 2:12 / 2:14 / 2:17 / 3:2 / 3:3 / 3:5 / 3:8