The Leffingwell Grocers
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Since 1942 BC, your friendly botulism-free food bazaar has been Leffingwell Grocers. Fresh food, reasonable prices, and dick-like customer service are the three reasons people keep coming back to Leffingwell’s. Stop by and try not to lose your damned mind listening to the employees make announcements over the public address system; the one set permanently to a brisk 98db! Thank you for shopping at Leffingwell Grocers!
EPISODES: 3:9
Copeland’s Down Home Health Stop
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Due to the current economic downturn and rampant southern fatricide™, Copeland’s Truck Stop is going through a bold rebranding process. Once home to the mammoth Lumberjack Pancake Tower™, the Wettest Pork Chop In The West and of course, Mama Copeland’s Famous Milkfed Pie, Copeland’s Down Home Health Stop is now the place to get skinny. With that comes all the lack of excitement and non-thrills you’d expect with drinking breakfast, lunch, and dinner through a straw. Pull up a booth and choose from one of two meals on Copeland’s new anti-expanded menu. Bon appetit!
EPISODES: 3:9
Rockstone Investments
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: When you require a personal investment company that is sound, secure, and devoid of any semblance of telephone customer service, look no further than Rockstone Investments. Founded in 2009, Rockstone is America’s oldest and most trusted financial institution. Whether you’re looking to diversify your portfolio or navigate the volatility of the stock market, Rockstone’s dedicated specialists are devoted to finding solid investments for your golden years. Just don’t expect to get any of this valuable information over the phone.
Cylon Jim and Cylon Phil
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: First of all, Cylon Jim and Cylon Phil are happy to have jobs, don’t get them wrong. The way things are going, most centurions are either begging the gods for enough to feed their families or selling their shiny bodies behind one of Baltar’s base stars. Jim and Phil just, I don’t know, feel like the responsibilities are a bit much sometimes. It’s tough to balance galactic raids and colonial subjugation with understudying Curly in Oklahoma.
The Cobblefax Abbey Busalong Ghost Tour
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: New England’s premiere Yelp-ignored paranormal ghost tour and only winter-operating open-air double-decker bus, Doc Jimmy and Paolo Tibbets have been running this macabre descent into the darker side of New England’s history for the last eight weeks. From young girls buried alive to young boys buried in young girls, Doc and Paolo have a love for all things supernatural. Their shared interests end there. Doc and Paolo began the Cobblefax Abbey Busalong Ghost tour in an attempt to renew their own friendship, and pay off the mountains of debt accrued from the purchase of double-decker busses and paying locals to use their apartments as haunted mansions.
EPISODES: 3:5
The Treasure Island Preschool Parent’s Association
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Treasure Island Preschool Parent’s Association promotes a secular, free-trade, grass-fed, pre-kindergarten educational containment facility for children under the age of 4 and up. Located in the neighborhood of Silverlake, Los Angeles, admission to Treasure Island is a much sought-after feather in the caps of local parents of all ethnicities, genders, and phylums. A three-year-round school, Treasure Island introduces children to all categories of elementary education from their ABCs to international digital-rights piracy and hyper-local parking lot traffic flow patterns.
EPISODES: 3:4
M
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: In the treacherous world of espionage, no organization is more respected and feared than Her Majesty’s Secret Service. At the top of that storied and hallowed institution is Commander M. Shrouded in anonymity (his name is Myles Messervy), M orchestrates the defense of the free world with a bouillabaisse of effective methods, cutting edge technology, and when necessary, brute force. Mankind can sleep soundly at night knowing that M and his Double-Os are guarding the greater good for God, Queen, Country, and Adele.
Fremont City Council
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The City of Fremont was founded by Laotian explorers in the early 1800s. Once a blossoming apple village, Fremont is now a sleepy suburban bedroom community. Fremont, Oklahoma is home to tens of honest, hard working Americans with issues, complaints, and qualms. These residents have an opportunity to voice those concerns in an open forum once a month down at the municipal building that used to be a Long John Silver’s.
EPISODES: 3:2
The Orchard Glen High School Faculty
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Orchard Glen High School for girls and boys is one of the largest public high schools in America. It melds methods of education from all walks of life. The school is known for their commitment to excellence, their diverse student body, and their litany of morning school announcements. At times, these bulletins stretch well into third period mandatory shop class. If information is power, then this facility is a bright burning educational bulb.
In addition to a traditional education, Orchard Glen offers a cornucopia of extra-curricular activities, after-school programs, and a wide variety of alternative learning. There is also a strict hiring criteria at Orchard Glen High School. One must have their own transportation.
The History Network
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The History Network dusts off old footage from a bygone era and brings it straight to the homes of only the people from that era. Adhering to the notion that ‘history repeats itself,’ the station plays the same episode of ‘Ancient Civilizations: The Canadians’ on constant repeat.
EPISODES: Superego Second Opinions Part 2
The Kawai River Mercenary Squad
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: They’re armed. They’re dangerous. They’re stupid.
EPISODES: Superego Second Opinions Part 1
Boothroyd’s House of Rare Antiquities
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Boothroyd’s House of Rare Antiquities prides itself on providing the finest objet d’art, collectibles, and bullshit tchotchkes.
EPISODES: 2:16
The Remington County Folk Festival and Electronics Expo
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: It’s the 71st annual Remington Folk Festival and the 1st annual Electronics Expo! There will be hog’s blood.
EPISODES: 2:15
Audio Book Classics
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Audio Book Classics have adorned the shelves of all of American Somoa for nearly months.
EPISODES: 2:9
Heartlines with Mark Ripalapedes
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Mark Ripalapedes helps the lovelorn of Los Angeles whisper sweet nothings across the airwaves of The Shore 104.4. (Where lovelorn = dipshits.)
EPISODES: 2:8 / 2:11 / 2:13 / 3:1 / 3:3 / 3:10
Father Aldini
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Father Gerry Aldini of the St. Catherine’s Of Our Lady’s Issues parish is a respected man of the cloth. Aldini is the only member of his seminary class to triple-major in Modern Religion, Aramaic, and Criminal Profiling. His congregants praise his soft, calming voice and God-given ability to shred on the electric upright bass (which has earned him the nickname ‘Devil-Worshipper’). This is his 42nd mandatory relocation.
EPISODES: 2:7 / 3:4
Starcharters
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Starcharters Zoroastrian Zodiac society will tell you your fortune and then tell you the price.
EPISODES: 2:7 / Superego Second Opinions Part 2
Hashimoto Wellness Labs
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: In 1973, Takahiro Hashimoto set out to create a new standard in the improvement of the health and well being of children everywhere. His patented comprehensive 21-point emotional spectrum sensory test is the industry standard in wellness information acquisition and juvenile confusion. Hashimoto Wellness Labs is helping the youth of America to see better, hear better, cry better.
EPISODES: 2:6 / 3:7 / 3:11 / Supershort 11
Pat O’Brien
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Pat O’Brien is an American sports commentator and television show host, frequently referred to as “The P.O.B.”. He currently hosts the Entertainment Tonight spin-off, The Insider. Prior to that, O’Brien spent 7 years as co-anchor of Access Hollywood. He also drunk dials.
EPISODES: 1:16
Nick Nolte
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Nick Nolte is broke. Nick Nolte has hit rock bottom. He once starred in Down And Out In Beverly Hills, now he’s down and out in Beverly Hills. Everyone in Hollywood would love you to believe that celebrities are just regular people. Nick Nolte is (barely) living proof that this isn’t true. His infamous bouts with the bottle have destroyed relationships and made headlines. Unfazed, Saint Nick presses on, ‘one day at a time,’ or whatever shit they were trying to tell him in rehab.
EPISODES: 1:4 / 1:5 / 1:8 / 1:9 / 1:10 / 3:4 / 3:8