Bishop Aaron Phillips Shemnon
DIAGNOSIS: Schizotypal Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: A steadfast pillar of the deep Mormon faith, Bishop Aaron Phillips Shemnon has been an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Former-Day Saints since he was just a little Illuminato. Brother Shemnon briefly left the church in 1973 to explore caffeine and its cataclysmic effects but returned stronger than ever. He has performed over one hundred weddings on forty three different planets and loves a good fistful of unsalted almonds before slapping on some ceremonial garb and joining two young souls in blissful, galactic harmony. Praise Christ! (The North American one.) If you ask nicely, Aaron Phillips Shemnon will teach you how to change your underwear without taking off your underwear.
EPISODES: 3:16
Viv Evenssen
DIAGNOSIS: Paranoid Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Vivian Evenssen’s mind roams a vast tangential landscape. She can’t/won’t pay attention to anything and please never ask her to do two tasks at once, remember any information, or listen ever. Viv currently resides on America’s roadways.
EPISODES: 3:16
God’s Crazy Monsters!
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Ain’t creation fun? At God’s Crazy Monsters museum and fuckin’ fun park you’ll learn why carbon dating is for sin-people and dinosaurs are assholes! Ride the water slide with Jesus, take a complimentary Capri-Sun communion, and hunt your very own baby triceratops! God’s Crazy Monsters!*
*Located inside the Sunoco.
SUPEREGO LIVE: January 25, 2014 • SF Sketchfest
SUPERSHORT: God’s Crazy Monsters
Nurse Edith Burningman
DIAGNOSIS: Avoidant Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: With the gentle touch of a hobbyist health care provider, Nurse Edith Burningman helps students and faculty members through medical crises with the greatest of ease. As long as it can be treated with a bandage or a couple of dollars, Nurse Edith is your lady. She’s horrified at the sight of blood, withers at the very thought of a broken bone, and had to leave a screening of The Brave Little Toaster because it was too violent. Other than those and several other hang-ups and phobias, your children are in good, if trembling, hands with Nurse Edith Burningman.
EPISODES: 3:16
Nature Doodles Community Art Class
DIAGNOSIS: Schizoid Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Naturedoodles Community Art Class is an is-for-profit training institute, specializing in drawing, sculpting, and proto-hippie neon bullshit. Noted Nature Doodles graduates include semi-famous van customizer Haunch Willows, underground street artist Bunkjunk, and Parliment Funkadelic Drummer Bigfoot Brailey. Come on in, pull up an easel, and sketch somebody’s hole.
EPISODES: 3:15
Bryson Tyson
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Bryson Tyson is a nationally-syndicated food personality and high-ranking member of the prestigious America’s Most Wanted list. Defying the advice of any and every doctor, Tyson strives to boost his cholesterol, skyrocket his blood alcohol level, and raise his voice to Himalayan proportions. Get deep-fried and high fructose corn-syruped with everyone’s favorite loudmouth/unregistered sex offender. Lock up your daughters and anything edible, Bryson’s coming to a gastropub near you!
EPISODES: 3:15
SUPEREGO LIVE: February 7, 2015 • SF Sketchfest
SUPEREGO: BEHIND THE BONUS: SEASON 4: PART 1
Princess Pomegranate Singles Cruise
DIAGNOSIS: Dependent Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: All aboard! The Princess Pomegranate Singles Cruise is a safe place for men and women of legal boning age to go ahead and get funky with a couple strangers out there in Poseidon’s paradise. You’ll enjoy a sumptuous buffet with cuisine from around the world, a casino with exhilarating games of chance, and a smorgasbord of poon and peen. Go ahead, indulge! This summer, we’re dropping our anchor in some strange waters, so why don’t you do the same. Princess Pomegranate!
EPISODES: 3:15
Brown B-Wing Squadron
DIAGNOSIS: Avoidant Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: After striking back, the Empire has rebuilt the Death Star! Kind of. But this time they have surrounded it with a spaceship-proof shield. A band of Rebels consisting of Mon Calamari, Sullustans, and other humanoid species with HORRID deformities unite together to wipe out Emperor Palpatine’s second pet project (third if you count his attempt to make the ‘living room tie together’). Listen in as these poor imbeciles hurdle themselves at a big metal ball like so many bugs to a zapper.
SEE ALSO:
Brown X-Wing Squadron
Brown Snowspeeder Squadron
Brown Resistance Squadron
EPISODES: 3:15
Don Pardo
DIAGNOSIS: Histrionic Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: A stalwart of voiceover, announcements, and liquid U’s, Don Pardo has been borderline shouting the names of funny people for 412 years.
EPISODES: 3:14
History Lane with Gale Jerns
DIAGNOSIS: Avoidant Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Sifting and winnowing through the vast gulch of history, Gail Jerns dirties his hands with the fascinating relics of the American past. His keen insights on our nation’s luminaries are revered by historians everywhere. Gail also reeks of butterscotch liqueur and had his last bath when he was digging quarters out of a fountain down by the slap factory.
EPISODES: 3:14
G.I. Joe
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: When the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, FBI, CIA, ATF, Local Police, Army Reserves, and Boy Scout Troop 140 aren’t enough to stop the impending terror of COBRA, G.I. Joe is there. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle. The other half is experience. The other half after that is luck. And honest to God, the remaining other half is taking a bath with some candles once a week. Can you believe that? Anyway, yo Joe!
SUPEREGO LIVE: May 3, 2013 • UCB / January 25, 2014 • SF Sketchfest / September 27, 2014 • LA Podfest
SUPERSHORT: G.I. Joe
Brown Snow Speeder Squadron
DIAGNOSIS: Avoidant Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: With the Empire searching the universe to quash any sign of rebellion, the Brown Snowspeeder Squadron has been deployed to a remote and seemingly insignificant frozen planet called Hoth, but pronounced Hoth. Their defense of this communications outpost is allegedly super important, but there don’t seem to be any consequences when the base is destroyed in the movie. Anyway, The Force ain’t strong with these guys, so bear with them as they try their best to fend off the Imperial onslaught with whatever stuff they’ve got in the glove compartments of their snowspeeders.
SEE ALSO:
Brown X-Wing Squadron
Brown B-Wing Squadron
Brown Resistance Squadron
EPISODES: 3:13
Skingloss Magazine
DIAGNOSIS: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Skingloss Magazine is the world’s 307th most recognized beauty magazine. Modern ladies love Skingloss Magazine for articles on beauty tips, gossip quips, and penile grips. Let clap-addled Billy Danoway guide you through the world of beauty and fashion!
EPISODES: 3:12
Brown X-Wing Squadron
DIAGNOSIS: Avoidant Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: When the Empire descends upon the oppressed citizens of the outer rim, a small team of brave rebels rises up to defend the defenseless. The Brown X-Wing Squadron are not these men. They’re no-thumbs and all-dumbs. These nerf-herders are lucky to pull the tits off a Gundark let alone save the universe from the formidable power of the Dark Side. Also, most of them are Asian so you can imagine their piloting skills. Tip your Bactatenders, I’m outta here.
SEE ALSO:
Brown Snowspeeder Squadron
Brown B-Wing Squadron
Brown Resistance Squadron
The Hollywood Motion Picture Press Association
DIAGNOSIS: Schizoid Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Hollywood Motion Picture Press Association is an international media conglomerate designed to promote, peruse, and provoke the films of today. This assemblage of correspondents use their dubious credentials to ask Hollywood’s biggest stars about their most recent projects as well as their latest poon-tanging partners. Many of them have been trained at the prestigious Dicks Out University! These films aren’t going to promote themselves you worthless bumps!
EPISODES: 3:11
The Family Feud
DIAGNOSIS: Histrionic Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Premiering in 1976, The Family Feud remains America’s fourth favorite game show! For decades, the Feud has surveyed 100 people, put the top answers on the board, and let family members who can’t stand to look at each other pool their collective knowledge and instinct to win some really semi-fabulous prizes. Catch the Family Feud Fever! (Currently, there is no cure for Family Feud Fever.)
EPISODES: The Family Feud
The Leffingwell Grocers
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Since 1942 BC, your friendly botulism-free food bazaar has been Leffingwell Grocers. Fresh food, reasonable prices, and dick-like customer service are the three reasons people keep coming back to Leffingwell’s. Stop by and try not to lose your damned mind listening to the employees make announcements over the public address system; the one set permanently to a brisk 98db! Thank you for shopping at Leffingwell Grocers!
SUPEREGO LIVE: May 3, 2013 • UCB / June 24, 2015 • The Bell House NY
SUPERSHORT: Playlist
Copeland’s Down Home Health Stop
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Due to the current economic downturn and rampant southern fatricide™, Copeland’s Truck Stop is going through a bold rebranding process. Once home to the mammoth Lumberjack Pancake Tower™, the Wettest Pork Chop In The West and of course, Mama Copeland’s Famous Milkfed Pie, Copeland’s Down Home Health Stop is now the place to get skinny. With that comes all the lack of excitement and non-thrills you’d expect with drinking breakfast, lunch, and dinner through a straw. Pull up a booth and choose from one of two meals on Copeland’s new anti-expanded menu. Bon appetit!
EPISODES: 3:9
The Amtrak Heartland Flyer
DIAGNOSIS: Dependent Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Sit back, relax and enjoy the unique scenery unfolding outside the windows of The Amtrak Heartland Flyer, running its 4,618 mile daily round trip between Oklahoma City, Texas and Fort Worth, Texas. With stops along the way in Norman, Purcell, Pauls Valley, Ardmore, and Gainesville, there are thrills and attractions for everyone! The Amtrak Heartland Flyer is the transportation choice for those Americans who are too paranoid to fly, too fat to walk, and too questionable in the credit department to finance a 1993 Mercury Topaz with 179,000 miles on it. Put down your book, turn off your smartphone, and surround yourself in stupid. The Heartland Flyer will have passengers to their destination in just a few hours, but it will feel like a lifetime.
SUPEREGO LIVE: May 3, 2013 • UCB / September 27, 2014 • LA Podfest
Rockstone Investments
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: When you require a personal investment company that is sound, secure, and devoid of any semblance of telephone customer service, look no further than Rockstone Investments. Founded in 2009, Rockstone is America’s oldest and most trusted financial institution. Whether you’re looking to diversify your portfolio or navigate the volatility of the stock market, Rockstone’s dedicated specialists are devoted to finding solid investments for your golden years. Just don’t expect to get any of this valuable information over the phone.
Stop Smoking Now!
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Smoking and smoking related illness is the leading killer of Americans, Europeans, and whatever the other people are. In an effort to stop the global nicotine pandemic, several leading healthcare officials got together over a carton of cigarettes and developed this simple, easy to use program that will make you feel so good, you’ll wonder why you ever needed lungs in the first place. They are dedicated to the eradication of this disgusting and addictive habit that looks really, really cool and you should try.
EPISODES: 3:6
The Lavergne Family Dinner
DIAGNOSIS: Schizotypal Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Lavergnes haven’t successfully eaten a dinner in fourteen weeks. Try as they might to thank Jesus Christ for the gifts they are about to receive, they just can’t get through to their Lord and savior.
The Treasure Island Preschool Parent’s Association
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Treasure Island Preschool Parent’s Association promotes a secular, free-trade, grass-fed, pre-kindergarten educational containment facility for children under the age of 4 and up. Located in the neighborhood of Silverlake, Los Angeles, admission to Treasure Island is a much sought-after feather in the caps of local parents of all ethnicities, genders, and phylums. A three-year-round school, Treasure Island introduces children to all categories of elementary education from their ABCs to international digital-rights piracy and hyper-local parking lot traffic flow patterns.
EPISODES: 3:4
Sam Elliott
DIAGNOSIS: Schizoid Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The gravelly baritone of cowboy-poet Sam Elliott could assuage the last nickel from a Cincinnati skin-flint. Elliott is the most sought after voice over artist in the western world. His warm, rough delivery of the written word could sell water to a well, sand to a beach, and stars to a clear midsummer’s night. But c’mon, let’s get serious here. A beach doesn’t have a wallet. It’s a beach. Use your doggone brain for more than thirty seconds and get your head in the game, Templeton. For Custer’s sake, you’re better than this. Now let’s all go rope something.