Brown X-Wing Squadron
DIAGNOSIS: Avoidant Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: When the Empire descends upon the oppressed citizens of the outer rim, a small team of brave rebels rises up to defend the defenseless. The Brown X-Wing Squadron are not these men. They’re no-thumbs and all-dumbs. These nerf-herders are lucky to pull the tits off a Gundark let alone save the universe from the formidable power of the Dark Side. Also, most of them are Asian so you can imagine their piloting skills. Tip your Bactatenders, I’m outta here.
EPISODES: 3:11
The Hollywood Motion Picture Press Association
DIAGNOSIS: Schizoid Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Hollywood Motion Picture Press Association is an international media conglomerate designed to promote, peruse, and provoke the films of today. This assemblage of correspondents use their dubious credentials to ask Hollywood’s biggest stars about their most recent projects as well as their latest poon-tanging partners. Many of them have been trained at the prestigious Dicks Out University! These films aren’t going to promote themselves you worthless bumps!
EPISODES: 3:11
The Family Feud
DIAGNOSIS: Histrionic Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Premiering in 1976, The Family Feud remains America’s fourth favorite game show! For decades, the Feud has surveyed 100 people, put the top answers on the board, and let family members who can’t stand to look at each other pool their collective knowledge and instinct to win some really semi-fabulous prizes. Catch the Family Feud Fever! (Currently, there is no cure for Family Feud Fever.)
EPISODES: 3:10
The Leffingwell Grocers
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Since 1942 BC, your friendly botulism-free food bazaar has been Leffingwell Grocers. Fresh food, reasonable prices, and dick-like customer service are the three reasons people keep coming back to Leffingwell’s. Stop by and try not to lose your damned mind listening to the employees make announcements over the public address system; the one set permanently to a brisk 98db! Thank you for shopping at Leffingwell Grocers!
EPISODES: 3:9
Copeland’s Down Home Health Stop
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Due to the current economic downturn and rampant southern fatricide™, Copeland’s Truck Stop is going through a bold rebranding process. Once home to the mammoth Lumberjack Pancake Tower™, the Wettest Pork Chop In The West and of course, Mama Copeland’s Famous Milkfed Pie, Copeland’s Down Home Health Stop is now the place to get skinny. With that comes all the lack of excitement and non-thrills you’d expect with drinking breakfast, lunch, and dinner through a straw. Pull up a booth and choose from one of two meals on Copeland’s new anti-expanded menu. Bon appetit!
EPISODES: 3:9
The Amtrak Heartland Flyer
DIAGNOSIS: Dependent Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Sit back, relax and enjoy the unique scenery unfolding outside the windows of The Amtrak Heartland Flyer, running its 4,618 mile daily round trip between Oklahoma City, Texas and Fort Worth, Texas. With stops along the way in Norman, Purcell, Pauls Valley, Ardmore, and Gainesville, there are thrills and attractions for everyone! The Amtrak Heartland Flyer is the transportation choice for those Americans who are too paranoid to fly, too fat to walk, and too questionable in the credit department to finance a 1993 Mercury Topaz with 179,000 miles on it. Put down your book, turn off your smartphone, and surround yourself in stupid. The Heartland Flyer will have passengers to their destination in just a few hours, but it will feel like a lifetime.
EPISODES: 3:9
Rockstone Investments
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: When you require a personal investment company that is sound, secure, and devoid of any semblance of telephone customer service, look no further than Rockstone Investments. Founded in 2009, Rockstone is America’s oldest and most trusted financial institution. Whether you’re looking to diversify your portfolio or navigate the volatility of the stock market, Rockstone’s dedicated specialists are devoted to finding solid investments for your golden years. Just don’t expect to get any of this valuable information over the phone.
Stop Smoking Now!
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Smoking and smoking related illness is the leading killer of Americans, Europeans, and whatever the other people are. In an effort to stop the global nicotine pandemic, several leading healthcare officials got together over a carton of cigarettes and developed this simple, easy to use program that will make you feel so good, you’ll wonder why you ever needed lungs in the first place. They are dedicated to the eradication of this disgusting and addictive habit that looks really, really cool and you should try.
EPISODES: 3:6
The Lavergne Family Dinner
DIAGNOSIS: Schizotypal Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Lavergnes haven’t successfully eaten a dinner in fourteen weeks. Try as they might to thank Jesus Christ for the gifts they are about to receive, they just can’t get through to their Lord and savior.
The Treasure Island Preschool Parent’s Association
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Treasure Island Preschool Parent’s Association promotes a secular, free-trade, grass-fed, pre-kindergarten educational containment facility for children under the age of 4 and up. Located in the neighborhood of Silverlake, Los Angeles, admission to Treasure Island is a much sought-after feather in the caps of local parents of all ethnicities, genders, and phylums. A three-year-round school, Treasure Island introduces children to all categories of elementary education from their ABCs to international digital-rights piracy and hyper-local parking lot traffic flow patterns.
EPISODES: 3:4
Sam Elliott
DIAGNOSIS: Schizoid Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The gravelly baritone of cowboy-poet Sam Elliott could assuage the last nickel from a Cincinnati skin-flint. Elliott is the most sought after voice over artist in the western world. His warm, rough delivery of the written word could sell water to a well, sand to a beach, and stars to a clear midsummer’s night. But c’mon, let’s get serious here. A beach doesn’t have a wallet. It’s a beach. Use your doggone brain for more than thirty seconds and get your head in the game, Templeton. For Custer’s sake, you’re better than this. Now let’s all go rope something.
Fremont City Council
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The City of Fremont was founded by Laotian explorers in the early 1800s. Once a blossoming apple village, Fremont is now a sleepy suburban bedroom community. Fremont, Oklahoma is home to tens of honest, hard working Americans with issues, complaints, and qualms. These residents have an opportunity to voice those concerns in an open forum once a month down at the municipal building that used to be a Long John Silver’s.
EPISODES: 3:2
Colby Toboggan
DIAGNOSIS: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Raw foods chef Colby Toboggan is a self-sustained, off-the-grid, environmentally-safe asshole. He hosts a partially syndicated radio talk hour entitled Raaaw, a discussion of the virtues of a lifestyle devoid of cooking, cleaning, and the creature comforts of the masses. Mr. Toboggan lives outside of Seattle in a hand-crafted, uncooked bio-dome made of found animal pelts and unsifted beachwater.
The Orchard Glen High School Faculty
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Orchard Glen High School for girls and boys is one of the largest public high schools in America. It melds methods of education from all walks of life. The school is known for their commitment to excellence, their diverse student body, and their litany of morning school announcements. At times, these bulletins stretch well into third period mandatory shop class. If information is power, then this facility is a bright burning educational bulb.
In addition to a traditional education, Orchard Glen offers a cornucopia of extra-curricular activities, after-school programs, and a wide variety of alternative learning. There is also a strict hiring criteria at Orchard Glen High School. One must have their own transportation.
The White Collar Comedy Tour
DIAGNOSIS: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: They’re back! The finest fiscally conservative comics telling their finest fiscally conservative jokes to the finest fiscally conservative audiences around! Most topics are off limits! It’s a laugh a minute with several minutes of silence to contemplate the slow erosion of our great nation at the hands of socialism and other races.
EPISODES: Superego Second Opinions Part 2
The History Network
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The History Network dusts off old footage from a bygone era and brings it straight to the homes of only the people from that era. Adhering to the notion that ‘history repeats itself,’ the station plays the same episode of ‘Ancient Civilizations: The Canadians’ on constant repeat.
EPISODES: Superego Second Opinions Part 2
Mixogynists
DIAGNOSIS: Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Brick Barrett and Tam Faulkner are New Mexico certified ‘Libation Chemists.’ Their touring tavern show celebrates the finer points of cocktail culture and has entertained and educated tens of people across America. They are tirelessly searching for that golden recipe that will get a woman drunk enough to sleep with either one of them. Or both of them. Or one could just watch. Whatever’s easiest for you.
EPISODES: Superego Second Opinions Part 2
The Kawai River Mercenary Squad
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: They’re armed. They’re dangerous. They’re stupid.
EPISODES: Superego Second Opinions Part 1
Linda Staven
DIAGNOSIS: Schizoid Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Ms. Linda Staven has been teaching 5th grade English since 8:30 AM this morning.
EPISODES: Superego Second Opinions Part 1
Amigo Auto Insurance
DIAGNOSIS: Dependent Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The boys down at Amigo Auto Insurance are real go-getters. When you need to file a claim, they’ll get going.
EPISODES: Superego Second Opinions Part 1
The Brownriver Township Survivor’s Club
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Brownriver Township Survivor’s Club was not as organized as you might think. In fact it was really an ad-hoc organization thrown together in the last days of 2018. You know, after the global cooling spiraled out of control.
EPISODES: Superego Second Opinions Part 1
Boothroyd’s House of Rare Antiquities
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Boothroyd’s House of Rare Antiquities prides itself on providing the finest objet d’art, collectibles, and bullshit tchotchkes.
EPISODES: 2:16
The Sea Town Splashaholic Spectacular
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: See jet-ski adventure! Killer whale acrobatics! And over three hours of pre-show entertainment(?)!
EPISODES: 2:16
The Thorn Christian Fellowship
DIAGNOSIS: Histrionic Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Get salvation. Get saved. Get stuffed.
EPISODES: 2:16