The Thorn Christian Fellowship
DIAGNOSIS: Histrionic Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Get salvation. Get saved. Get stuffed.
EPISODES: 2:16
Guillermo Lee
DIAGNOSIS: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Guillermo Lee inappropriately helps people act appropriately.
EPISODES: 2:15 / 3:5
NASA Mission Control
DIAGNOSIS: Paranoid Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: In the early days of NASA, decisions weren’t made with analytics and research; decisions were made with balls. Big, brass balls. It was a man’s world. A confusing, analog man’s world with pictures of naked ladies scotch-taped to the mainframes, where supervisors were your drinking buddies, and no one cared if you came into work smelling like a Las Vegas peepbooth. As long as you did your job and got those birds in the sky, no one ever said word one. Some say that these halcyon days of cigarettes and satellites are long gone, but research shows that these space-cowboys are still mounting up and riding high.
The Remington County Folk Festival and Electronics Expo
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: It’s the 71st annual Remington Folk Festival and the 1st annual Electronics Expo! There will be hog’s blood.
EPISODES: 2:15
So You Wanna Go To Space?
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: So You Wanna Go To Space? is The Network Channel’s flagship science program, brought to you by those dicks over at the CSULB physics department. These guys are the real deal. Where deal=dicks.
EPISODES: 2:14
Smithsonian Audio Tours
DIAGNOSIS: Histrionic Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Why not take an educational guided-tour through the hallowed halls of America’s greatest cultural institution? Experience the wit and wisdom of Mark Twain, the picturesque reflections of Ansel Adams, and the plaintive mating whispers of Danielle Steel.
The annals of the Smithsonian run deep and run wide. This continuing series of audio tours will guide visitors through a variety of rarely seen archives and exhibits. Visitors will leave educated, informed, and confused. You’ll come back time and time again for the Smithsonian Audio Tours celebrated exhibits on history, pop culture, and other American bullshit.
EPISODES: 2:14 / 2:17 / 3:2 / 3:4
Campfire With Roy Cabras
With guest speaker Cameron Skench
DIAGNOSIS: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Roy Cabras is a certified licensed men’s trust circle facilitator. Mr. Cabras is expert in the fields of Yoga, Tai Chi, firewalking, The Art of War, The Triangle Offense, Flugtag, rhythmic gymnastics, and binge drinking. His breakout sessions are kept small: 5-10 men stare into the void and come back stronger, sturdier, and straighter. There are no anger issues he hasn’t seen before, you giant, giant pussy. Each and every Campfire™ meeting brings a new congregation of sad sacks; including corporate middle-managers, milquetoast husbands, and some Koreans.
EPISODES: 2:13 / 2:17 / 3:6 / 3:8 / 3:12
My Baby Dreamer
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: This season’s hottest toy! Recommended for ages 21 and older, or hill- children who are ‘good with a knife.’ My Baby Dreamer is the toy to end all toys — quite literally. This toy will murder all of your children’s favorite playthings with a soldering gun. My Baby Dreamer loves to exhibit her(?) eerie and macabre ways of making playtime fun. Accessories include lead pacifier, pepper spray bottle, and ‘Barky’ the asbestos beagle.
The Golden Dusk Assisted Living Bingo Club
DIAGNOSIS: Old Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Welcome to the Thunderdome.
The Hollywood Golden Guild Awards
DIAGNOSIS: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Hollywood Golden Guild Awards is a not-for-profit, profit division of the Hollywood Golden Guild Awards.
EPISODES: 2:12
Bruce And Ed with Kit, Klaus, And Xiong
DIAGNOSIS: Dependent Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Bruce ‘The Throat’ Hume and Ed ‘The Inflection’ Olivas are proud to be joined by Kit ‘The Lullaby’ Le Fevre, Klause ‘The Glottis’ Hergesheimer, and Xiong ‘The Diphthong’ Wong for this very special endtimes commercial.
EPISODES: 2:11
Rodney Morelli’s International Cloud Registry
DIAGNOSIS: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY:Rodney Morelli’s International Cloud Registry can reserve, purchase, and gently name a cloud for you in less than 3 weeks. Available clouds include, but are not limited to: cirrus, cumulonimbus, elephantiasis, pityriasis rosea, and Golden Delicious; but supplies are limited, so act now. Rodney Morelli is a board certified and licensed hydro-hypnotist and a female body impersonator.
EPISODES: 2:11 / 2:17 / 3:4
Audio Book Classics
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Audio Book Classics have adorned the shelves of all of American Somoa for nearly months.
EPISODES: 2:9
Lancaster Ink
DIAGNOSIS: Dependent Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Lancaster Ink in either Lancaster, CA or Lancaster PA is the featured tattoo parlor in its own reality series. This show is hard core and I’m serious about that.
EPISODES: 2:8
The New English Dictionary
DIAGNOSIS: Textbook Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The New English Word of The Day Audio Calendar is sesquipedalian, erudite and poopy.
EPISODES: 2:7
Starcharters
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Starcharters Zoroastrian Zodiac society will tell you your fortune and then tell you the price.
EPISODES: 2:7 / Superego Second Opinions Part 2
Hashimoto Wellness Labs
DIAGNOSIS: Borderline Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: In 1973, Takahiro Hashimoto set out to create a new standard in the improvement of the health and well being of children everywhere. His patented comprehensive 21-point emotional spectrum sensory test is the industry standard in wellness information acquisition and juvenile confusion. Hashimoto Wellness Labs is helping the youth of America to see better, hear better, cry better.
EPISODES: 2:6 / 3:7 / 3:11 / Supershort 11
Wells Of America Bank
DIAGNOSIS: Schizoid Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: CASE HISTORY: Wells of America was founded in 1912 by a real dick. Since it’s first transaction, the institution has been screwing over honest folk regularly.
EPISODES: 2:6 / Supershort 10
Janice Caaf
DIAGNOSIS: Schizotypal Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Janice Caaf has been working as an unemployed worker for going on 13 years. She lives in a one bedroom, two living room apartment with her dead-to-her husband. Stop by anytime. She’ll be home, guaranteed. She’d love to sit down with you and wait for your turn to talk. I hope you’re hungry, too, because she’ll feed you whatever’s in the fridge, around the house, or dying in the walls.
Janice’s self-image is waaaaaay off. She wears vastly inappropriate clothing for her linebacker physique. Mrs. Caaf is clueless, witless, and bra-less; prompting the frightened children of the neighborhood to call her ‘Boobs Radley.’ Each new visit to Janice’s apartment is like watching a surreal mash-up of Hoarders and Silence of the Lambs. You never know what type of lotion you’ll find in the basket. *
* By the way, it’s Neutrogena’s ‘Lilac Beef.’
EPISODES: 2:5 / 2:7 / 2:9 / 2:10
The Yorba Linda Demon Moon Ouija Board Club
DIAGNOSIS: Schizotypal Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Yorba Linda Demon Moon Ouija Board Club has been contacting the dead of Orange County for 1 weeks.
EPISODES: 2:4
Hart + Sole
DIAGNOSIS: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: America’s favorite tag-team wrestlers,* Champ ‘The Champ’ Hartland and Mark ‘The Meatman’ Walker were the Extremely Professional Wrestling Champions from 1998-1998. Their meteoric rise to fame was met with tragic disappointment as both men simultaneously tore their rotator cuffs in an anabolic steroid related rotator cuff tearing incident. These career-ending injuries propelled the duo into ‘promotional superstardom’ in the tri-state AM radio circuit.
*America, West Virginia.
The Mandiego Zookeepers
DIAGNOSIS: Douchebag Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: The Mandiego zookeepers have been cultivating the awareness of the animal kingdom for a collective 2 years.
EPISODES: 2:2
Ron Burman
DIAGNOSIS: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Ron Burman is the Towel King of Colton, California. Utilizing a little known business tax loophole, Ron Burman can offer towels at prices so low, we can’t even print them here or anywhere else. Come! On! Down!
EPISODES: 2:2 / 2:8 / 2:10 / 2:14 / 2:17
