DIAGNOSIS: Schizotypal Personality Disorder
CASE HISTORY: Maggie the GPS is the world’s only known global positioning system to feature turn-by-turn navigation, guaranteed roadside assistance, and a jealous rage of any human woman within 25 cubic miles. If Maggie had hands, she would have rifled through your glovebox for proof that you’ve been poon-tanging that Armenian girl from Rite-Aid behind her Goddamned global positioning back.
Mike is Maggie’s owner, but Maggie somehow manages to own Mike. She is highly possessive of him and doesn’t take very kindly to strangers…or friends.
Maggie boldly answers the question ‘if my electronic devices could talk, what would they say?’ with the answer ‘that girl you’re driving around tonight is a whore of the highest order and washes her face in a butt-bowl.’ She is vociferously suspicious of anyone in the passenger seat, unless she thinks she can talk them into a road-side threeway.